The ‘Introduction’ section is now up and live on the site. It was one of the first tasks I had laid before myself with the start of this project, and proved to be difficult. Compacting a life’s worth of thoughts into some form of an introduction was more taxing than I’d thought. In the end, I believe it’s the right first step to be made.
Thank you to my wonderful sister Liz for proofing it for me last night. Your support has made things seem possible. I’m beginning to feel solid again.
Liz and me
I came across this art installation online last year through TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea) and was amazed by the simple but powerful concept. In an effort to persuade the Korean National Assembly to pass the Adoption Law Revision Bill, the project aimed to illustrate just how enormous the number of 200,000 children sent to live abroad truly is.
Wrote Suki Leith:
The art installation we’ve been working on the past month is to illustrate the relationship between the number 1 and 200,000. We lose sense of the impact of our actions when we allow ourselves to look at only the number right in front of us. The reality is that 200,000 is almost unfathomable. This is an attempt at showing what one looks like, 200,000 times. One adoptee at a time, processed in the perpetual motion machine that is international adoption.
…These days, on average, approximately 3 children a day are sent out of Korea for adoption. During the peak year of international adoptions, 1985, the average was more like 10. They are both small numbers, yet they add up. In Korea’s case, they add up to almost 200,000. To me, 3 children a day is one lifetime + another lifetime + another lifetime. 3 is a huge number to me.
I’ll reiterate that I am grateful and proud of my status as an adoptee, and feel very fortunate to have been able to build a good life for myself; however, many adoption stories haven’t gone as well, and even the good ones aren’t without suffering. Along with the alienation many Korean adoptees feel from their country of origin, a majority of birth mothers are young and unwed when their children are relinquished and are pressured by society and family to shed their status as second-class citizens. This revised bill put before legislators last year was the first to include the voices of single mothers and adoptees. The “Walk of Shame” forced many to see the faces of those black and white photos sent in from around the world and see the price tags the mass production of babies had produced.
above photos by Jeanne Modderman and Lee, Miwha
Seeing the pictures myself was the first time I actually felt some sort of solidarity with Koreans, particularly adoptees. I have one myself. It’s a membership card I never realized I had.
I’m fed up with myself.
It probably sounds horrible to some, but it’s been months and I haven’t been able to complete my letter back. I have saved drafts and false starts all over the place, digital and print. Recently I’ve sunken deeper into my own worst habit, and that’s delaying, putting things on hold, when I don’t know how to do them right. Problem is, EVERYTHING has gone on hold. I’ve allowed the weight of this news to stunt me instead of propel me, and seeing how I intended to have this blog as a way to share and be honest I’m deciding now to recognize it and get over it. As terrifying as the possibilities of this process I’ve spent time fretting over are, they can’t compare to the failures related to standing still. It’s a lesson I’ve never truly learned, and I need to learn it now.
I went back in my flickr account to see where I was on the day my birth father passed away from stomach cancer. These were my pictures from that day, on my way to work in New York on 22nd and Park.
After much thought, I sent an email with preliminary questions to Debby Hanson of Holt International. I received her answers today:
Was Holt looking for me or was it up to me to inquire first?
Holt Korea was contacted by your birth family and requested we search for you. You could have contacted us anytime after turning 18 to request a search for birth family. Holt doesn’t initiate searches on our own. We have been sending out letters to possible addresses since we didn’t have a current address for you, which you responded to.
I never really asked my mom when I was younger about what records she has from Holt. What information does Holt have on record for me?
If you want a copy of your file you are more than welcome to request it by completing the attached request form. We will waive the fee for search cases. What is in our file is the same as what they received, which is your Korean legal documents and child progress reports while you were in Holt’s care.
What are the names of the rest of my birth family?
We don’t have those names, and can’t release them without permission from those people. We provided you with everything we received.
How old are my birth sisters?
Your file states that at the time of your birth they were 2, 5, and 7.
Is my birthday my real birthday?
Since your birth parents relinquished you to Holt on January 4, 1985, they provided Holt with your date of birth.
Who named me?
There isn’t anything on record that specifies whether your birth parents or Holt provided you with a name.
Where was I born?
This is also in your records, which states a the Mother & Child Health Center in Daegu.
Taking a cue from my sister, Liz, I just ordered a first round of books to immerse myself into.
On the list:
THEME: 
// Amanda Barrett © 2011
